I want to start out with a lie I have told myself. I recently read Girl Wash Your Face and loved how she set the book up so this is my inspiration! If you haven't read the book you 100% should because it is amazing.
After my third serious relationship ended I sat down and curled myself into a ball. I thought that every man was a cheater and I would never find someone who would be faithful. I haven't been in a serious relationship or one that I considered super serious in two years. I remember when that one ended and about two months later a source close to the guy had said he knew he was with some blonde girl a month before we had even broken up. It felt like the break up all over again. I felt like something must be wrong with me ? What was I not doing ? Why didn't I see this ? Why didn't I trust my gut ?
Let's pretense this by saying every relationship I have been in I have been cheated on. I talked to a therapist about this because I started to get a complex I was not worthy of being loved. That there must be SOMETHING wrong with me. Lol She looked at me with my box of used Kleenex and she smiled. She told me "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. These are just the tools you need to build your future with. You are collecting them with every relationship. Every person you meet gives you something to put in the tool box." I was like alright I can get behind this. I love the show Fixer Upper so I am just getting all the wood and screws for my future life. I wish someone would give me that moon shaped rock salt lamp that is in my Amazon cart, but I will take what I can get. Clearly a visual thinker. The main point she wanted to make here was that your relationships good or bad help shape your future. They give you perspective and experience. They give you the tools to move forward and you take all of those with you no matter how rough those may have been. Honestly I have realized the rougher, the better.
I am here to tell you not everyone cheats. People cheat because they are lacking something from the relationship they are in. Sometimes it's with the partner or something they are lacking within themselves. It is that person's job to bring you the information so you guys can use your tools make your relationship better (We are still going with the fixer up theme clearly). Cheating in my eyes is selfish because you could easily break up with that person, BUT you choose not to.
If you have been cheated on take a look back at that relationship. Did you notice red flags ? Your partner pulling away? Anything that you would have done differently as a whole ? Moments of reflection are huge for me. I take time after each relationship to look over that chapter and be grateful. That relationship gave you some tool you are going to use in the future. It prepared you for what is next or maybe who is next. It showed you WHAT types of qualities or people you value. I am beyond grateful for each and every relationship I have been in. No matter how it ended. Men are amazing. They just are! I have met some of the most faithful men, who would never cheat on their wives or girlfriends. Or Visa versa goes for women.
I do not blame anyone who cheated on me. At that point in time they weren't strong enough to come to me with whatever issue they had. They hadn't collected the right tools yet to be able to use those in that relationship. I hope they learned. Felt guilty and hopefully never do it again to future girlfriends or wives. I had to be someones tool as well, they had to learn and so did I. What I would or wouldn't put up with. Chances are my future husband is going to have made a ton of mistakes JUST as I have. He is currently collecting the tools he needs. Probably hurt a few gals feelings along the way. The key here is that we all make mistakes. We are ALL learning. I let go of those feelings of anger or doubt about myself a long time ago because they were not helping anyone.
I hope you let go of feelings of anger towards your ex and hold moments you spent together close to your heart. Thank those people for the tools they gave you. The time you shared together. I am here to tell you anger doesn't help anyone. I hope you know that you can find love all around you if you look hard enough. To act like the person your future partner is looking for and always be hopeful. Never lose hope in people or relationships. There are some amazing people out there if give yourself the chance to open up.