• Kristy McInnis

DATING CHRONICLES: TIPS FOR POST BREAKUP & DATING SOMEONE NEW

Alrighty babes. We are talking NEW RELATIONSHIPS. How amazing and sometimes uncomfortable they are. LOL.



So tips for being in a new relationship? Maybe you just had a recent breakup *raises hand*. I know I just did and I figured that cuffing season might be coming to a close and a few of my babes MIGHT have just taken the cuffs off as well. Lol This is so weird, but this is one of those break ups that I felt really good about. It was my decision overall and I wanted a clean slate for 2020. Cut the baggage and people who were not up to par because you DON'T have time for that. I see my blog as a diary so when I come to you it's to share experiences and also my mistakes. This time I should have seen a lot of red flags, we all do it though! I look back and realize that I had blinders on. Like, who has done that? Here are some tips for moving on from the old and getting back on top of your game.


Post B.U. TIPS & TRICKS


Post Break Up:


I always look at why did it go wrong? For me, in this instance, I looked at the fact he definitely wanted to rush me into things. RED FLAG. Brought up living together. Kids. Which you should do! BUT should never force someone into doing. I also saw an aggressive side of him I did not like. I told myself if I saw that side of him again I would pack my stuff and leave. Just so you know... your girl packed her things and GTFO.


Take Some Time:


What did I do ? Instantly downloaded Tinder the day after the breakup. I like to see this as "checking out the menu" of other people. You are just scoping around town to see what is out there. You are not "ordering", which is like going on dates or hitting a home run. If you need a home run then you go girl totally get it! This is supposed to be a space and time for you to regroup. Come back to yourself and refocus. What are you wanting out of life? Catch up with friends. Go hang out with your mom. Draw a bath!


Find A NEW Focus:


Something not boy related. Not bars. Not boys. Not booze (unless you are learning to make craft cocktails). (Sorry you know I am right on this one!!) This could be the gym. This could be painting, go get your Picasso on. Maybe this is volunteering for you. There needs to be something to invest the old time you had with this person because we do not need you in your room listening to Sarah Mcloughlin sobbing into your pillow. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.


Get Obsessed With Yourself.


You are one FINE specimen. You need to build this confidence back up in case you may have forgotten how freaking cool you are. This is what I like to call “buy yourself a vibrator on Amazon” time. This is the time to clean the closet and declutter. Plus, anything he gave you… get rid of it. Chances are, it has bad juju at this point and there is no need to keep old stuff from old people. Start telling yourself each morning how HOT you look. How smart you are. How good you feel because you actually DO feel good. Start eating good. When you put good healthy food in your body you actually FEEL better. I swear to this. I started getting Stellas Kitchen and I feel like a million dollars. Gluten free. Dairy free. Can't shut up about it.


Flirt. With Everyone Single.


I read this in the Champagne Diet book and I swear I felt like a new human. Flirt with guy at Dutch Bros. Flirt with a guy at the gym. Flirting, for whatever reason, makes you feel good. It makes you feel empowered. Again we are not ready to order from anyone’s menu yet so probably stick with the vibrator and some Woo More Play.


So now we have taken the time to get ourselves on track. We are feeling bomb AF from eating new food. We have a clean room. We are flirting. We are decluttering ourselves. By now we feel like a million bucks. Could we be a tad lonely from the break up? TOTALLY NORMAL. Are you ready to date someone new or maybe just go on a date? Just take it slow. No need to hit the sheets with someone until you're ready. Are you wanting a ‘friend with benefits’? Then don't read this next part. Go on tinder. Do some swiping. Match with some hot and spicy man and go to town. If you are looking or in a new relationship then keep reading.


HOT Tips For Dating Someone New.


Learn to be trusting, but do not be stupid.


For whatever reason, when I go on dates, I will literally become a part of the Law & Order team to figure out if this MF is lying. PEOPLE LIE! It is good to notice the small things and ask questions. See if their story matches the LinkedIn page information or even timeline on social. I do this all the time. Straight up ask the person point blank questions if you feel like something is off. This is a horrible, but also funny example. I went to this guys house on a first date. I know BROKE LIKE 10 OF MY RULES.

Anyway we were at his house and I knew he had been a "party guy" in the past (in a frat, did coke, the works). He went to the bathroom and I heard almost a snorting sound like someone doing coke. So I straight up asked him if he was doing lines on our first date and he actually started dying laughing. It happened to be his nose spray for allergies. Sometimes you CAN take it too far, but if I wouldn't have asked I would have thought he was high the whole night. Ask the questions lol We laughed about it after.


Speak your mind, but also use words that are kind.


I am blunt. Crazy, I know, so when meeting someone new you need to be careful with this new person. A lot of times word choice is super important because sometimes we can say things we do not actually mean. Words can hurt the other person!! I just did this the other day, made a total ass of myself. I tried to apologize and pretty much dug my grave. So I just sipped my tea and STFU.


Look for the new person’s flaws.


Honestly, they are not perfect. No matter how chiseled the abs. No matter how great the hairline is.... They most likely have a lot of weaknesses and flaws. It can be super hard to see these things when being in a new relationship. It's hard! TRUST ME. I take into account that this person is probably putting their best foot forward. Do not just settle for things that are crazy. AKA an anger issue. AKA someone controlling. There are imperfections that you can decide to work with, but a personality flaw is something very different. Learn the difference!


Do NOT expect or give lavish gifts.


You just met this person. You may want to give them that brand new Apple watch. DON'T. Look what happened to Sheena on Vanderpump rules. Skip the Apple products. This is the time to enjoy the simple things. Might be a movie marathon, a walk in the park, a meal the two of you cooked at one of your homes, someone holding your hand. When you mix in the lavish displays of affection, things get tricky. You want a relationship that is built on love, respect, and actually trust. NOT on some super expensive dinner or fancy expensive jewelry. If you are looking for just the fancy dinners and no commitment then head to Seeking Arrangements and find yourself a Sugar Daddy.


Be patient.


This is a new thing and if you come in hot with all of these "I miss you” texts after the first or second date you might freak the poor fellow out. So cool it. It is great to show emotions, but one step at a time. The first few weeks of a relationship can be weird because you are learning how to mix your lives together. Think of this as an adjustment phase. You have to be patient with their actions and possibly, opinions about life. They might not be a texter and you have been waiting by your phone all day to hear from them. This feeling sucks. BEEN HERE. I normally try to call the person. Set "phone dates" or ask if you can call them to talk about their day. It seems way more personal and you can give them your full attention. You have to understand that sometimes people do not want a pen pal and if they did then they would be writing to an inmate. People do get busy and MOST of the time it is not personal.


XX,

KCM